MARRIAGE PLANNING - HOW TO MAKE PLANNING AND PREPARATIONS AS PARENT, FOR YOUR CHILDREN'S MARRIAGE (SON’S OR DAUGHTER’S MARRIAGE OR WEDDING): BEST ARTICLE EVER:

BEST ADVICE, TIPS OR HINTS, IN A MOST SIMPLE LANGUAGE: WHAT PREPARATION IS REQUIRED TO BE DONE AS A PARENT, FOR YOUR CHILDREN'S MARRIAGE (SON’S OR DAUGHTER’S WEDDING OR MARRIAGE), FROM WHERE TO START AND WHEN TO START? THIS WILL REALLY SAVE YOU FROM DOING ANY THING WRONG.

THE FUNDAMENTAL AND NATURAL PRINCIPLES MENTIONED HERE REGARDING PREPARING AS A PARENT FOR YOUR CHILDREN’S MARRIAGE (SON’S OR DAUGHTER’S MARRIAGE OR A WEDDING REMAIN SAME) OR ARE COMMON FOR EVERY CASTE, CREED, COLOR, COMMUNITY OR RELIGION THAT COULD BE THERE IN THE WORLD. ONLY THE METHODS OF EXECUTING OR CARRYING OUT THE MARRIAGE PROCEEDINGS DIFFER.

Marriage is a very important event or part of life and most of the people marry sooner or later. Marriage is something; everyone thinks it about many times in life right from childhood. It may be about one’s own marriage, one’s children’s marriage or even someone else’s.

From childhood itself, everyone thinks about one’s own marriage on a number of occasions and visualizes how his or her partner will be or what kind of partner he or she would love to have. When you grow up and gain maturity, your views take a shape you become more and more composed and competent to choose your partner for marriage.

In your social circle or social acquaintances, there are a couple of occasions of marriage every year. Over two million marriages take place each year in US alone, so think of the number for the entire world.

Really speaking, the thought of marriage never takes a back seat in your life. Right at the moment you get the news about the birth of your Son or Daughter the thought of your child’s marriage subconsciously zooms through the mind. This is really when, you get mentally prepared as a parent, to execute your children’s marriage ie. Son’s or Daughter’s marriage.

It is not correct to believe as a parent, that the preparations of your children's marriage ie. Son’s or Daughter’s marriage begin only a month or two before the actual date of marriage. 

Let me give an example, you always try hard and try to be always at your level best while saying so many things to your children, so that they form good habits, learn good manners, behavior and discipline. While doing so, the thought about your children’s marriage, their overall well being, their absolute happiness in life, their happiest and successful married life, everything put together plays its role silently, without you even noticing it. This means that, as a parent, you have already begun the preparations for your Son’s or Daughter’s marriage naturally and instinctively, much longer before the actual marriage to take place or happen.

Now that your children are grown up, as a parent you are consciously thinking about their marriage and even more seriously than before.

The first, foremost and having the highest importance over everything, is to think about how are you going to get your Son or Daughter married ie. Are you going to spend lot of money or try to be most reasonable on this issue? Your marriage day or wedding day preparations checklist will depend on these criteria very much. If you have lots of money and guaranteed, continuous and consistent sources income, then you are more likely to have the first choice, if not then you would choose the second. There is nothing wrong in spending lots of money in a marriage if you have it. Don’t borrow money to spend in a marriage. It is a total wastage, and will land you in a difficult situation later. Be very reasonable and spend only where it is absolutely necessary. Better use the saved money to live a better life for yourself and / or for your children as the case may be.

Invite people who are really very close to you and who have some emotional attachment and concerns with you and your family. You can invite hundreds or thousands of people and throw a lavish party if you are very wealthy, and if spending so much doesn’t make any difference to you.

Remember, people who are not close to you and your family, will attend your Son’s or Daughter’s marriage for their own enjoyment only. People come, enjoy with you and forget everything the next moment. So, take the right decision. If you don’t, then it will be you, who will ultimately suffer and no one will come to rescue you from debt. Don’t be tempted to show off wealth that you really don’t have. In this exercise it is only you, who would lose what you have. That would be the ultimate foolishness. So, do what is right for you.

Now, how to prepare for your children’s marriage? Where to start from and when to start? How to begin? The marriage day or wedding day preparation checklist mentioned hereunder has a variety of points in a broader perspective, and you can consider those relevant and applicable to you, and help yourself to work out the intricacies involved.

Marriage planning checklist / wedding planning checklist

Four years before:

If you are a lonely kind of a person who always prefers to be in a social seclusion, then try to mix with people around, friends, colleagues, relatives etc. and maintain or develop enough friendly relations. Become active on your social networks. Start saving contact numbers of friends, colleagues, relatives etc. as and when you get a chance to do so.

Do not miss any opportunity to attend social functions, birthday parties, get-together s’, picnics, engagements, marriages etc. If you are already a social person with lots of friends this would automatically happen. Also, reach out to people and be helpful during sad occasions also.

When you attend those functions try to know who were the caterers, photographers, florists, decorators, transporters etc. If possible note their contact numbers or file their visiting cards in your album.

Work out your budget, plan investments, deposits etc. so that you have the required money to spend in your Son’s or Daughter’s marriage. Plan for more than you have estimated spend. 

Get some information about or the names of local marriage bureaus, or marriage or wedding websites, online matrimonial services on internet etc. Also, read reviews.

Two years before:

Continue with what you have already started.

Collect information about wedding halls or marriage halls, or hotels in your city and their rent, facilities and advance booking notice etc.

Let the people more close to you from your social circles, friends, relatives, acquaintances etc. come to know that you have begun to look for a life partner for your Son or Daughter and your expectations. Think over and consider the proposals, suggestions and references you get from them and gather further necessary information to find whether it suits your Son or Daughter.

One year before:

Start leafing through various magazines on lifestyle, fashion, and bridal etc.

Gather information about sources of various articles in your town or city, required in marriage ceremony.

Register your Son’s or Daughter’s profile in marriage bureau / wedding bureau, and also on internet as what you may prefer.

Decide how many people you want to invite for your Son’s or Daughter’s marriage. As said above, this will depend upon your ability to spend. Make sure the people you invite in an engagement party, are also invited in marriage ceremony. So add the names in your wedding guests list or marriage guests list.

Six months before:

Meet your local government body officer and ensure you have all the required documents in place. This will depend on the prevailing laws of your country or your religion. Information regarding marriage license, how to and where to register the marriage, and the procedure involved. 

Make sure you have all statutory documents, identity cards, passports, photographs etc. in place for each one of your family, especially your Son or Daughter.

Try to make your wedding guests list or marriage guests list close to final and accordingly print invitation cards. It would be the best idea to save paper and think on sending invitations on emails or make use of the latest technology.

Make list of gifts and other articles you need to purchase for marriage day ceremony.

Check availability, and book hotels, marriage halls or wedding halls in advance as is required or applicable in your town.

Three months before:

Inform distant relatives or friends well in advance about the date of marriage so that they can make their air or rail bookings accordingly. As a thumb rule, send invitations at least 8 to 10 weeks before the marriage or wedding ceremony. Way to send invitations depends upon your caste or country’s tradition.

Meet the caterers, photographers, florists, decorators, transporters, musicians, priests or your gurus to perform religious rites or formalities etc. negotiate and fix up the charges, book the dates with all these service providers, their advance payments if any etc.

Keep your check book ready for making payments. Ensure enough bank balance for swiping your cards and check payments.

Hire a marriage or wedding day planner who has good relations and knowledge of vendors in your city. This depends upon your country, or if there are a large number of invitees, or as per the need.

Start making purchases of gifts, clothes, shoes, rings, ornaments and other articles. You can visit the site to find everything at one place. CLICK HERE

Plan about the pickup points for your invitees, to the hotel or marriage ceremony hall. Also, plan about the stay of distant relatives or friends who coming to attend your Son’s or Daughter’s marriage. Send proper address of the wedding venue / reception venue, route map or sketch as required.

Plan how you will welcome your guests with food and drinks and presents etc.

Leave enough time for bridal dress or bridegrooms dress to be ordered, also keep time for any fittings alterations in case if required to be done.

Take trials or rehearsals regarding catering services for food quality, photographer’s expertise or proficiency etc. and other services, retailers as necessary.

Finalize with your Son in Law’s or Daughter in Law’s parents and family, about the responsibilities they are going to take and arrangements they will make for the marriage day, and what you are supposed to do at your end. Note down what you both have decided. In some situations, and from convenience point of view, both of you may use the same service providers and also may get the cost benefits.

One month before:

Make sure everyone in your family is in good health, or have a health check done from your family Doctor if necessary.

Book for any professional entertainment performances like dance, drama, acts, songs, etc. you want to have in marriage ceremony.

Plan and book for honeymoon, for your Son or Daughter as the case may be.

Get in touch with your invitees, and confirm how many are really attending your Son’s or Daughter’s marriage.

Get in touch with agencies you have booked (caterers, florists, photographers etc.), and reconfirm the dates, so that in case any circumstances beyond your control you get a chance to book another agency. Be ready with information about alternate agencies or sources.

Finalize the menu, and flowers depending upon the season and print menu cards only if required.

Check about the weather conditions forecast that would be at the time of wedding ceremony. Be prepared to deal with any unforeseen weather conditions.

Finalize on list of your loved ones who will deliver speech, or sing songs for bride or bridegroom. Finalize and rehearse on grooms wedding speech or bridegrooms wedding speech as you might have planned.

One week before:

Get in touch with beauty parlors, makeup experts or artists and fix up date and time.

Keep all the dresses / garments of your Son or Daughter, your family members ready. Re-check your bank balance, check book pages.

Be in touch with your Son in Law’s or Daughter in Law’s parents and family, as and when required, and make sure everything is going on smoothly.

Contact and remind all the services you have hired and reconfirm date and time so that there is no crisis or delays at the last moment. Contact local government authorities for any proceedings that are required.

Delegate some work and assign responsibilities to your family members and close friends for the wedding day or marriage day tasks, and coordinate it closely.

Visit wedding venue and check seating arrangements, check for electricity and water and housekeeping etc. are in order. Check with hotels and reconfirm room bookings.

Relax your mind and sit calm to think if anything is left out. Note it down there itself, to act when you get up.

Groom yourself with haircut, hair dye or some nice hair style.

Send the guest list to your caterer at least three days in advance or as per what you may have discussed with them.

Get ready to reach the wedding venue to welcome your guests with flowers and drinks.

Appreciate if you advice for missing points on   –  ramesh.kelkar@rediffmail.com

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